Still Here

In case anyone was wondering!

Apologies for the lack of posts over the summer, turns out that having two jobs, and two kids and trying to write a book is ever so slightly time consuming, and doesn’t leave time for much else!

Also *types under breath* I kind of hate summer and find it one of my most difficult times of year.  There, said it.  I know it’s a hugely unpopular opinion, but for me summer is mainly sweating, getting migraines from the sun, and trying to cram in as much QUALITY FAMILY TIME with my kids as possible whilst battling the urge to strangle them when I step on yet another mothafucking piece of lego with goddam bare feet.  This summer has been an odd one because I’ve been working four days a week, so I’ve not been around much and then when I have, I’ve felt this incredible pressure for us to have Perfect Family Fun together, which rarely if ever works out how I envisage it.

We have had some good times though, and thanks to Chris taking some annual leave each week to be home with the boys, they’ve enjoyed having him around a bit more and not missed me too much, I don’t think.

My new job is going…ehhh…well, it’s going anyway.  My CIDP is behaving itself, and the book I’m writing is the slowest project ever but it’s keeping me sane (ish).

And honestly, that’s pretty much it.  Every now and again I think about archiving this place, since I’m not really actively blogging anymore, but then I see people finding old posts about CIDP/Molar pregnancy/Miscarriage etc through their google searches, and I think- ‘well what if reading about my experiences helps someone?’  So it’s staying, for now.

Who knows, maybe one day when I have more time (not clear when that’ll be, but let’s play pretend) I’ll be a bit more active (and possibly even witty?!) but for now, this will have to do 😉

 

 

 

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Autumn

I watched autumn through windows last year.

I was discharged from hospital on the 29th August and readmitted exactly 5 weeks later on the 3rd October, and in-between I left the house only a handful of times- mainly to view houses as we were about to move.

I could hardly walk, and everything was an incredible amount of effort.  It felt like I spent basically the whole of September sitting on the sofa under our living room window, watching the leaves turn red and the sky turn grey, wondering when I’d be ‘normal’ again.

A year later, and I’m not quite ‘normal’ but as close as I’m ever going to get, and autumn is here once again and I’m IN IT.

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(walking through the park to school, last week, keeping their eyes peeled for “coconuts” aka, conkers!)

Every day, I’m outside, walking through the park watching the leaves falling, feeling the air changing, looking for conkers with my kids, and drinking pumpkin-spice lattes (well someone has to!  If the internet is to be believed, everyone else on the planet hates them?!)

Autumn has always been my absolute favourite season, so many good things have happened to me at this time of year, that for me it isn’t just about the natural beauty, the sights and smells, but the memories they evoke too.

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(Cringle Park, autumn 2012, which feels like last year to me, because of being ill I feel like I skipped a year)

There was the autumn I moved to Manchester.  Ok, technically I moved here in the summer, but it rained for about 5 solid weeks when I first arrived, and I spent the “summer” painting my flat- so it didn’t feel like I really began to get to know the place until the autumn.  That was also the autumn I met my (now) boyfriend Chris, although neither of us remembers our first meeting.  That is to say, we remember the occasion, and were vaguely aware of each others presence, but ours was a slow burn, and it wasn’t until the following autumn that we actually got together as a couple (see: slow).

There was the autumn we got our dog, Fudge, his first walks as a puppy involved racing through the fallen leaves on the green on Slade Lane.

There was the autumn I was heavily pregnant with our first baby, walking along the beach in Whitby, under overcast skies, my ginormous belly swathed under a tent-like tartan duffle coat.

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Then two years later, the autumn I gave birth to our second child.  It was a late one that year, September felt more like July, and the final weeks of my pregnancy were unbearable, and then finally, when he was born at the start of October, autumn arrived, and our first trip out as a family of four was to the park, which was covered with a thick carpet of golden leaves, the air was crisp and bright.

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So when I say “I love autumn”, or declare autumn as my “favourite season” (as though one could exist without the others), yes I love the stuff everyone else seemingly loves about it.  That “back to school” feel (I always loved school as a kid, especially- especially new pencil cases), the drop in temperature, the nights closing in slowly, the reds and golds, halloween parties, pumpkin-spice everything, bonfire night, toffee apples…yes of course all of that.  But also something else.  Unlike the other seasons, which I also love for the changes they bring, somehow autumn is the one that for me, has the ability to transport me back in time.  It holds the emotions of the past, and the promise of the future…

…and conkers.

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Lots, and lots of conkers.

Virtual (and Actual) Reality

I am struggling to keep up with things at the minute, both online and off.  I have so much to do that in the rare free moments i have i have difficulty figuring out which to do and in what order.

I have some important work-related stuff coming up next week which has me a little worried.  For one thing i am going to be doing my NLS (Neonatal Life Support) for the first time on Tuesday which is nerve-wracking as it involves a full day of resuscitation training (8am to 6pm or something absurd) plus a practical and theoretical assessment.  You’d think after 4.5 years of working with neonates i’d be confident in my ability to resuscitate them right? Nuh-huh. Let’s not forget i’ve been busy making neonates of my own.  Which is why i am only just getting round to doing my NLS now in fact.

As well as fretting about that i am also starting my Mentorship Course next week.  Something i am beginning to regret applying for as i am feeling like i may have bitten off more than i can chew….but it’s too late now.  I just keep telling myself that i can only do the best that i can do and no more…and hopefully my best will be good enough.  Well, it will have to be!

I briefly decided to resurrect my twitter account as i thought there was little point having one if i never used it, but i’m not convinced it’s for me. Chris tells me the reason i don’t like it is because i don’t use properly but i don’t know how to use it properly and am not sure i have the energy to figure it out!

I am thinking of getting strict with myself when it comes to social media and adopting a strict “Use it or loose it policy” I did something similar with Myspace and ended up deleting that. Otherwise i just have all these accounts i never use and what’s the point?

I thought maybe i could use twitter for my parenty updates, the kind of things that bug the crap out of non-parents when you post them on facebook.  You know- “My kid just pooped on the toilet!” and “Guess what funny thing my baby just did!” to avoid alienating all my non-Mumsy facebook friends but i am not sure i’m capable of compartmentalising like that, or if i should even try…

Anywho, aside from my musings about social networking here’s a little over-view of what else we’ve been up to 😉

Lovely Autumn Walks

Baking Gingerbread Stars (sadly they got a little burnt)

Falling asleep in dentist’s waiting rooms (!)
Painting Autumn Pictures
Visiting the runway visitors park at the airport

The latter being a last-minute decision on my part as we’d been stuck inside all snuffly and bored and i decided we needed to get out for the afternoon but it had to be somewhere local and inexpensive.  I was a little worried that we’d get there and that Toby would declare the aeroplanes “TOO NOISY” and want to go home or that Rudy would be bored, or that it would start pouring with rain or some such.  But it actually went really well.  They were both mesmerised by the planes and we spent a good hour and a half there before we got a bit chilly and decided to head home and the whole thing cost me £12 which i didn’t think was bad- £6 to park and £6 for a little toy plane for Toby that he’s in love with 🙂

Today we’ve still got the sniffles and we’re and currently camped out on the sofa watching Home Alone (yes it’s September, no i don’t care! I just want ten minutes peace- more if possible!)

It’s amazing how quickly Autumn has arrived and made itself at home.  Already the leaves are changing colour and falling, we’re having to put the heating on at least once every day, i have started wearing my dressing gown over my PJs and i’ve asked Chris if we can go up in the loft this weekend to  unearth the hats, gloves and scarves box! The only thing missing thus far is conkers! We can’t seem to find any anywhere! Where are they all?!

I love autumn and i’m looking forward to all the exciting stuff it’s got in store, i just hope we’re going to be able to squeeze it all in!