Our hoover blew up today. A Dyson no less. To be fair, it is 6 years old and was making an unhappy noise (and a bad smell) last time it was used, so expecting it to suck up a few (hundred) dust bunnies today was apparently the last straw.
My first thought, as a 29 year old woman of a limited income, should probably have been “Oh dear, I wonder how much this will cost to repair?” when in actual fact, it was “Oh my god, what is that smell?! Ah, shit, it blew up” closely followed by “Well, I guess now I don’t have to do the hoovering today after all”.
I have decided this probably means that I am not yet an actual grown up.
Other reasons why I am not a grown up are listed below:
*The laundry basket is currently completely empty:
Well now, that’s quite grown up, you might think?
Not only is this such an achievement of epic proportions that I felt the need to photograph it, but in my eagerness to get all the washing done, I neglected to realise that I actually have to put it away afterwards…
*I have a tax code. Pretty grown up huh? Well, aside from the fact that I have no idea what it is, what it means, or if it’s right, yeah. The same bewilderment applies to anything financial in fact, ISA? Tracker mortgage? Endowments? My first thought after typing that last word was a rude one, so I think it’s clear to us all that I have no idea what is going on when it comes to the grown-up world of money.
*Even after four and a half years of this parenting gig, I still often forget to leave the house with nappies, or wipes, or juice, or snacks. Earlier this year (aka- in the middle of winter) I sent my children out for the day and on an overnight sleepover, without their outdoor coats. I think you’ll agree, that doesn’t seem like something a responsible mother of two children should do.
*I recycle. However, can I remember to put the bins out every week, ready for collection? NO. Or at least, I can but only about 40% of the time. Which given as we’ve had the same bin collection day for the last 5 years is pretty poor. Additionally, the weeks where our bin does make it down the alley in time to be emptied, I then neglect to bring it back in again afterwards…usually for several days.
*If calories (and cholesterol, and diabetes etc) weren’t a factor, left to my own devices I would choose to eat pizza, cheeseburgers, and ice cream, washed down with beer. That’s how developed my taste buds are.
*Similarly, when it comes to wine tasting, I am clueless. In my (extensive) experience of wine quaffing, it all tends to fall into one of two categories-
1. Cheap and Nasty (which I have found tends to be everything under the £3 price bracket, along with anything that comes in a box, rather than a bottle) and
2. Drinkable which includes pretty much everything else.
Very occasionally I drink something and think “This is bloody good!” at which point my reaction is to drink more of it, and (when no longer under the influence of alcohol) to go out and buy more…just so long as it’s on an offer. I have never ever swilled wine around my mouth and then spat it out. Except maybe if someone really made me laugh.
*I do not like rocket lettuce. I have no idea why anyone likes rocket lettuce. Are you all pretending to like it because you think you’re supposed to? Am I the only person willing to point out that it tastes like shit?!
*I have the same taste in clothing and music as my teenage sister, and I’ll give you a clue: she isn’t wearing cardigans and listening to jazz. In fact, we’re going to see Funeral for a Friend together in September (and it was my idea, and it won’t be the first time I’ve been to one of their gigs, and I’m going all the way to Bridgend for it)
(FFAF. I love them! Not that they look like this anymore, since they’re all about my age, or older)
*I have read a lot of books in recent years, that are aimed at people younger than me, like…*cough cough*…Harry Potter and *extreme throat clearing*…Twilight?!?
*I vote, despite having absolutely no interest in, or understanding of politics, beyond liberal: good bigotry: bad. When people talk about working towards world peace, I think “Well, if we all stopped killing each other, that might be a start?” I am a realist in my head: “That will never happen.” but an idealist in my heart: “Make love not war!”
*I should be ironing right now…but I’m writing this blog post instead.
But before anyone becomes concerned that I am, in fact, a fifteen year old masquerading as a responsible adult, here are some reasons why I may be a grown-up after all:
*I brush my teeth twice a day (without prompting!) and even have a dentist and make my own appointments and everything (along with everyone else’s too)
(shiny white teeth after a trip to the dentist)
*I clean out my rabbits (without prompting!)
(Happy bunnies in a clean cage)
*I pay my bills (without prompting!)
*I have two children, one of whom will be starting school this September!!!!!!
*I consider 8am to be a lie-in
*I also read books definitely not aimed at a younger audience
*I actually like gin (this is possibly my biggest claim to adulthood and the most recent development in my growth as a human being)
*I have wrinkles (shhh!) and the occasional grey hair (shhhhhhh!) and a chronic health condition. All of which means that most days I feel more like a geriatric, than a spritely youth.
*Other people’s poop is no longer “gross”, or rather it is, but has also become something that I now applaud (literally!) when it lands in the correct receptacle (i.e. toilet or potty, vs floor or pants)
*I need caffeine to function
*Oh, and I like to make lists 😉
So, there you have it. On balance, I may be more grown up than I thought…
…but hey, at least I don’t need to hoover today.