Funny Hospital Moments

I know tomorrow is going to be hard and horrible. And I know there’ll be no getting away from that fact, physically or emotionally. And that’s ok. I will go through it and come out the other side.

But for tonight I wanted to distract myself, just a little, by thinking of some things that have happened this week that have made me smile or given me a chuckle. And I don’t mean the moment I realised I could walk again. Moments like that deserve a post of their own I reckon.

I mean silly stuff that cheered me up even when things were looking pretty bleak.

1. people repeatedly asking me if I’d “mind” a male nurse or support worker helping me. What is with that question?! I don’t give a flying monkeys what gender the person is who helps me off the toilet. Send in Johnny Depp or fucking Santa Claus if you want! I’m not looking to date the guy, I just need them to help me up!

(On a serious note I understand its about privacy and dignity but it’s a slippery slope when a HCP’s gender is seen as an “issue”. What about male midwives? Or females working in urology? Who decides what’s appropriate? Where do you draw the line?)

2. As an inexperienced student nurse tried desperately to take my pulse manually, I tried to ease her nerves by joking “Don’t worry, I’ve definitely got one” Unfortunately it passed her by as sweating and deadly serious she simply said: “Oh, I know”.

3. This scenario, every single night in the middle of the night:

Me: Totally horizontal and sound asleep.

Support worker/Student nurse in an exagerated whisper: “DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE?!”

Me: “Urngh” (Stick arm out of covers)

BP: 82/46

Support worker: “Your blood pressure is a bit low, you need to drink more…” Pushing a jug of water towards me (Bearing in mind that this is usually at 2am or 6am!)

Or, in the case of the aforementioned student nurse: “Erm…erm…” (Runs away)

I swear this happens every night! But I’m 28 FFS! And until summer I was running regularly. Why on earth would I need a systolic BP over 100 when I am completely asleep?!

After my 1st dose of IVIG my BP was 140/75 and I thought my head was going to blow off!

4. Whilst showering me in the hospital bathroom Chris said in a sad voice “It’s not even sexy. You’re just too ill”. Haha. I think he can rest assured that you’ve got to be a pretty sick puppy to find shaving your newly paralysed girlfriend’s legs sexy in any way. Sweet? Yes. Loving? Definitely. Sexy? Absolutely not.

5. Ordering a tuna salad for lunch 3 days in a row and never getting it. Tuna is like gold dust in this place. On one of the occasions I was asked if there was anything else I fancied. I asked if they had anything similar like maybe a cheese salad or a tuna sandwich? “No, but we’ve got a jacket potato with cheesy beans” ?!?!

6. A young pharmacy technician insisting he had to lock my Tesco Folic Acid 400mcg away in my drugs locker

7. The moment one of the sisters on AMU popped her head around the curtains and found Emma kneeling above me on the bed waxing my eyebrows and thought she was a doctor. This makes me laugh just thinking about it.

8. Chris’ confession that at home the boys had been wearing mis-matched pyjamas “but they’ve had a bath every night!” God I love him so much. Both that he knew it would drive me crazy, and the fact that imagining Rudy running around in his Batman pyjama top and Green Eggs and Ham pyjama bottoms does in fact drive me crazy, even with everything that is going on is hilarious.

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2 thoughts on “Funny Hospital Moments

  1. D J Harrison 14/10/2013 / 9:28 am

    Congratulations on your recent release. Now I hope you can start to get well

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