Anyone remember that game- I went to the moon and I took…”a spacehopper, a jam tart, a torch, my cat Professor Kibbles, a tandem bicyle and…”?!
I went into my car and I found…
2 banana skins (one decomposed almost beyond recognition).
20 CD’s (despite the fact my cd player hasn’t worked for months).
A pair of scissors…you know, for those annoying situations where you need to cut and stick whilst driving?! No actually, it’s for freeing new toys from the insane amount of packaging the sadists in the toy manufacturing business seem to think is appropriate. Lunatics (Incidentally, why in the name of all that is holy, does George Pig need to be secured into his box with screws?! Why? WHY?!)
A bracelet I can’t remember wearing since before I had kids (but that’s impossible because I’ve only owned the car 3 years).
A filthy potty (*hangs head in shame*).
A roll of peach coloured toilet roll (unused I hasten to add! The car may be a dump but you have to draw the line somewhere and we don’t actually dump in it).
A pair of extremely muddy polka dot wellies still in there from the hen weekend (ah, memories!)
3 car sunblinds, none of which were actually stuck to a window.
Bart Simpson on a snowboard.
A winkel. No really. It’s the name of a toy:
About three thousand receipts. Including a shameful amount from fast food places.
About four thousand car park tickets.
An air freshener with a superman logo that I got free last time I had my car washed…last year. Still in it’s packet.
Half empty de-icer spray. Half empty because the other half has leaked all over the passenger foot well.
An empty bottle of screenwash (thankfully not through leakage but usage).
Several empty crisp packets and juice cartons.
Several actual crisps, including quavers, skips and regular style.
Enough crumbs that if they were all stuck together I estimate that the result would be a hideous flapjack the size of a double bed.
A hospital vomit bowl.
2 NHS leaflets about “Minor Head Injuries in Children”.
A lid for a different pen.
The blanket that Rudy was wrapped in when he was first born. Which sounds weird but I don’t mean his snuggly baby-sized receiving blanket:
I mean a big brown Ikea blanket that was lying around:
Since he was in a bit of a rush and given that his head was crowning before the delivery pack was even open no one had chance to get his soft cute one out of the box in the corner so we just grabbed what was handy. Which is also how it ended up in the car, because I was taking the boys out and it was snowing and I realised we needed to prepare in case of (inevitable) breakdown so flung it in there. But taking it out of the boot this afternoon made me realise I am actually a little bit attached to it, emotionally, so it’s going in the wash and henceforth staying out of the car.
And there was of course some more predictable car-dwelling stuff like jump leads, a first aid kit, the instructions for the boys’ carseats, shopping bags, a Manchester A-Z and so on.
What I did NOT find was the “part service history” aka, collection of random receipts, that I told the car dealership I had (and could swear I do…somewhere!) Oops. And yes- I did have my car manual and service history in my car and yes I know that’s not a good idea in case thieves make off with it, but do you want to know something? They never do! No matter how often I leave it unlocked! (Accidentally of course, I’m forgetful not fraudulent)
Tomorrow is The Big Day, when I trade in little Clio for The Batmobile (Toby’s name for the new car, because it’s black…like Batman’s car. Duh.) and I’m so excited, although also slightly terrified that the bottom may drop out of Clio on the M56 on the way there, in which case, not only will I likely be fatally wounded, but I’ll also lose out on my part exchange discount. Still I’m trying to focus more on the excitement you know? Don’t feed the fear and all that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some loose ends to tie up…